AH!!!!

Well today i'm severely.. depressed, disgusted, etc.
I got to weigh myself, and since i started eating, i've gained FIVE POUNDS! .. I feel horrible. I see why cutting and ana go hand in hand, because i severely desire to just cut all the fat off of my body. It's revolting. I'm hideous. I was at 121 ish, now i'm 126! Thats really close to 130! There's no way i can ever let myself get to 130.. So, i'm about to go into overdrive-- eat little, exercise like a MANIAC. BUT, the sucky thing is that THANKSGIVING IS TOMORROW!!! AHH!!! :'( That's really scary.. because i feel i'm going to gain 5 pounds at lunch and that would put me at 131!!!!!!!! NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY.
As you can tell, IM FREAKING OUT!